


Pretty Lies and Ugly Truths

by LovelyLadyLuck



Series: The Kallig Clan [2]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Alderaan missions, Angst, Finlee tries to play noble politics, Gen, I am literally making everything about thrantas up here, Pre-Relationship, Traumatic Backstory, because I am apparently incapable of not doing that, but goddamnit why don't they have legs, but just ends up intimidating everyone instead, implications of past sexual assault, like a boss, mentions of traumatic backstory, so I worked with it, the fuckers don't have legs, thranta riding, thrantas, wandering narrative, way too much description of a woman putting on formalwear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25562731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLadyLuck/pseuds/LovelyLadyLuck
Summary: Lady Irtaya, apprentice to Darth Baras, has finally reached Alderaan, homeworld of her mysterious Jedi prey. However, in order to carry out her mission, she must cater to the games of the Alderaanian nobles, which dredges up unpleasant memories for her.
Relationships: Female Sith Warrior & Vette, Malavai Quinn & Female Sith Warrior
Series: The Kallig Clan [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1846168
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Aposematic Coloration

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be the first installment in a sub-series focusing on Finlee's time on Alderaan. It's going to be uniquely traumatizing and stressful for her like the other places won't be due to her backstory, and I wanted to explore that more deeply. I'll reveal more of her backstory as I go along, but for now just know that she's a member of a particularly powerful noble house on Dromund Kaas, and had an extremely unhappy childhood until her force powers unexpectedly manifested themselves.

Focus character: Finlee  
Timeline point: Alderaan, day 1  
Series: The Kallig Clan

Finlee had been dreading this stop ever since the republic spy had let the planet’s name slip nearly a year ago. Alderaan was a world of nobility, with all of the pomp and circumstance and rot and ruin that went with it. She stared down at the planet below as they orbited above, not making any effort to hide the displeasure she felt.

She called for Vette and Quinn to join her as she put the call through to Darth Baras to inform him of their arrival. Once notified of her objective and contact, Duke Kendoh Thul, the fat darth disappeared, leaving her to decide how to proceed from there.

She heaved a heavy sigh. “Captain, please handle the docking procedures, and notify me when we begin our descent. Vette, see what you can dig up on the current political climate beyond what Baras told us. I want to know what I’m walking into. I’ll be in my quarters getting ready, please don’t disturb me.”

Vette’s voice interrupted her retreat. “Wait, you’re starting to get ready now? It’s gonna take at least three hours to get through all the procedures and land, maybe more.”

Finlee turned to face her. “Yes, I’m starting now, Vette. Because it is going to take me that long to prepare myself. The nobility are obsessed with appearances, and if I’m going to get this Duke Kendoh to cooperate without violence I need to look the part,” she suddenly snapped her fingers and turned to face Quinn. “Which reminds me! Captain, you’ll be accompanying me to this meeting, and I sincerely apologize, but you need to wear your full dress uniform.”

Quinn furrowed his brow for a moment, but nodded his acquiescence without complaint before heading for the bridge to begin landing procedures. Finlee turned back to face Vette. “I’m afraid you’ll have to stay behind this time, Vette. Your presence will only hinder us with the nobility. You’ll still be coming with us in the field, though.”

Vette gaped at her in shock, “Wait, so I’m not good enough now?”

“No! Of course not, you know I don’t think that way, neither does Quinn. But be logical, here. You don’t have the proper clothing for this sort of thing, and none of my formal wear will fit you, you have no knowledge of noble etiquette or speaking, and you don’t ever stop talking. You’ll end up insulting someone, and we don’t have the time for me to attempt to smooth over any ruffled feathers. There’s nothing to be done for it. You’re staying behind, and Quinn is coming with me.”

With that, Finlee turned and walked into her bedroom, ignoring the hurt coming off the young twi'lek. She closed and locked the door behind her. Normally she didn’t use the lock, and didn’t mind Vette occasionally popping in, but this time she needed complete privacy.

She checked the local weather report for the region they would be landing in, and was relieved that the weather was warm and mild, at least by her standards. She suspected that her definition of hot was somewhat skewed by growing up on the tropical Imperial capitol world of Dromund Kaas, which never approached a temperature that could be called “cool”. As a result, she could tolerate heat with little problem, but chilled easily, and owned no dresses that would be suitable for a winter climate.

Opening her wardrobe, she selected the garment bag containing the dress she wanted, and removed the dress so that it could air out while she did her hair and cosmetics. She also removed the corresponding shoes for the dress, and debated with herself for a moment whether or not to wear a wrap on her shoulders. The dress was high-backed, and she didn’t have enough curves to worry about being indecent there. By Kaas standards, it was rather modest, but from the pictures she had seen of Alderaanian nobles, they tended to be far more conservative with their dress, covering their shoulders and arms to the wrist, with high necklines going all the way to the top of the neck. As a Kaasi noble, and as a Sith, she had no obligation to conform to Alderaanian customs, since she wasn’t here on a diplomatic basis. However, in this case, a diplomatic nod to their traditions would not go amiss, even if she didn’t entirely conform to their standards. She eventually decided on a thin Killik silk shawl with golden trim, which would cover her shoulders, chest, and upper arms, but leave her forearms bare. For her hands she chose a pair of short gloves, only reaching a centimeter or so past her wrist. Satisfied by her outfit, she turned her attention to her hair.

Taking her hair down from her favored twist she wore when not on active duty or dressing to impress, she carefully combed out the pale strands, which hung down to where her thigh met her backside. Once it was thoroughly combed, she retrieved her box of pins from the drawer where she kept it, and began the lengthy process of twisting and curling and threading and pinning her hair into the complicated chignon style she had decided on. The majority of her hair was artfully twisted, piled, and pinned high against the back of her head, rising several centimeters above her scalp, making her appear slightly taller than she actually was. She then took the front sections she had left loose and curled them before pinning the ends back into her chignon, the locks being too long to be left loose. The curls framed her face, reducing its narrow appearance somewhat. Over the years, she had become rather skilled at creating coiffures that remained secure against her head, but today she was leaving nothing to chance, and applied a liberal amount of stiffening spray to ensure that everything stayed put.

Next came the task of adorning the coif, with decorative pins and strands of jewels. For the highest part of the coif that came above her head, she chose a small net of blood red Utapaun rubies. She carefully pinned it against her hair, ensuring that all of the gems lay flat against the strands and the thin filaments that bound them together couldn’t be seen. To adorn the crown of her head, she chose a long, multi-stringed piece covered in prized Kaasi black sapphires, which glowed a dark blue or green in the right light. Satisfied for the moment, Finlee checked the chrono and saw that an hour and a half had passed. The last piece of hair jewelry wouldn’t go on until after she had applied her cosmetics, since it lay against her forehead.

Removing her bag from its drawer, she began to apply her base layers of foundation and powder, with concealer under her eyes to remove all traces of the previous sleepless night. Once that was completed, she stared at her palettes of eyeshadow, once again debating the best course of action for herself. Alderaanian nobles seemed to favor a more natural style, with the exception of wearing far too much rouge. But Kaasi nobles favored dark colors, with sharp lines and swooping points near the eyes. Eventually, she decided to go with a more toned-down version of Kaasi style eyeshadow. The bottom edges of her eyelids near her lashes she colored black, blending it with a dark crimson near the top part of her lids. She opted to skip the rouge completely, wishing to present an intimidating image that struck home better without it. Finally, she colored her lips, and this time there was no debate inside. She chose the darkest lipstick she owned, and colored her top lip in fully, almost to the edge of her mouth. After a moment to let it dry, she took a white lipstick and applied it to her bottom lip, so it blended in just slightly with her pale skin. It was intended to look as if she had just sipped blood, and it worked.

Finally turning to her clothing, she undressed from her simple trousers and sweater to get into the dress. The skirt fell down past her ankles onto the floor, where special sewn darts had the hem wrinkle artfully around her feet, giving the impression that the dress might be twisting outward. It clung to her torso before belling just slightly at her hips. Not the ridiculous amount of belling an Alderaanian lady would favor; instead, it was just enough to keep the shape of her thighs from being visible against the fabric. Her black heeled boots added several centimeters to her height, and the thick heel was hollow, ensuring that she clicked as she walked to draw attention. Her shawl she wrapped around her shoulders and upper torso twice, lowering it with each pass before securing it just above her navel with the gold clasp sewn into the cording.

And then it was time for the final headpiece. She had been dreading this part for the past two and a half hours. Taking a deep breath, she reached into her wardrobe and pulled out the small grey case. Unlocking it with the biometric scan, she opened it with shaking hands and stared at the circlet contained within. It was nothing truly special, just a simple silver band that wrapped around the lower crown of her head and dipped low to lay against the center of her forehead. The only jewel it had was a round, flat black opal, inlaid with the sigil of her house inlaid in white metal. But it carried with it a lifetime of memories which haunted her, memories of screaming voices in her face before a hand struck, of a hand too tight around her upper arm as she was manhandled towards yet another nobleman twice, three times her age in an attempt to curry favor, of an unwelcome hand sliding down her back toward her thigh as she struggled to escape.

Hands still shaking, she lifted the signet piece out of the case and placed it on her head. Her stomach churned and her breath came ragged, and as she shut her eyes tightly she wished she could cry, but that way of catharsis had been beaten from her long ago, when someone noticed her eyes were bloodshot at a party. Her lord father had been furious with the imperfection.

The intercom buzzed, startling her out of her daze. She cleared her throat and answered. “Yes?”

“My lady, we’ve been granted clearance to land, and I’m beginning our descent. We’ll be at the spaceport in approximately half an hour,” Quinn’s voice came through the intercom, sounding strange and staticky. 

“Thank you, Captain. I’ll work on procuring our transportation to the Thul estate in the meantime. Once we’ve landed, get into your dress uniform if you haven’t already and we’ll be on our way.”

“Of course, my lady.”

She made a quick call to a local transportation agency, requesting something suitably impressive to carry them to the Thul estate, and something more suited to any rougher terrain they might have to cover over the course of their time on the planet. The voice on the other side of the line assured her that they only provided the best, and that their transport would be waiting for them at the spaceport when they arrived.

Finally done, she spent the next few minutes fussing with her dress and shawl in an attempt to distract herself from the feeling of wearing her signet piece again after several years. It seemed to grow heavier with every passing moment, tighter against the delicate skin of her forehead until she was sure it would injure her. She avoided looking at herself in the mirror, not wanting to see the visual symbol of her suffering on her person.

A knocking at her door was a welcome distraction. She guessed it was Vette, judging by the rapid, fluttery rapping that was taking place. Quinn didn’t seem the type to do so, being the composed and professional military man that he was.

“Hey, Irtaya, you okay in there? We landed a few minutes ago, Quinn’s all gussied up and ready to go, in a much shorter amount of time than it took you, I might add. Come on, I want to see what exactly took three hours for you to accomplish!” Vette insisted.

Finlee picked up her lightsabers, then stopped dead for a moment when she realized that she had no way of carrying them herself, her formalwear not made to accommodate them being clipped anywhere. Thinking quickly, she grabbed a decorative golden belt from her wardrobe and buckled it around her waist. It wasn’t ideal, and if they had to fight it would be more difficult to get them unclipped, but she couldn’t leave them behind, nor did she wish to ask Quinn to carry them, for fear that the Thuls would take this as a sign of weakness. 

Knowing she could delay no longer, she took a deep breath and opened her door, interrupting Vette mid-knock. The young twi’lek opened her mouth, presumably for one of her characteristic sarcastic quips, but then seem to take in Finlee’s full appearance. Vette’s eyes seemed to bulge out of her head for a moment, her mouth opening and closing with no sound emerging. After a long moment, she seemed to get over her shock, and exclaimed, “Holy-wow, Irtaya, when you said you needed to look the part of a noblewoman, you weren’t joking around! You look really scary!” she turned to yell into the main room where Quinn was waiting, “Hey, Quinn, c’mere and get a look at the boss!”

Shoving down her rising irritation, as she knew Vette didn’t mean any harm, Finlee brushed past into the central chamber of the ship. Quinn turned around from looking at something on his datapad, and her breath caught in her throat for a moment. She had been distantly aware of her Captain’s good looks since they met on Balmorra, with that awareness slowly growing over the past year as they worked together and became more acquainted with each other. The officer’s uniform he wore aboard the ship fit him quite well, as did the more rugged kit he donned for the field. But this was the first time she had seen him in his formal dress uniform, and she found that it accentuated his form far better than his other uniforms. The fabric of the formal trousers and heavy dress coat was pitch black, as were his boots, polished to a glossy shine. The shoulders of the coat seemed to have some sort of padding in them that made his shoulders look broader, exaggerated by the close fit of the fabric at his waist. His Captain’s bars were prominent on his right shoulder, and a few medals were clipped to his left. Two cords traveled from high on his right shoulder down across his chest to under his left arm near his elbow, one gold, one red. The most surprising aspect of his formal dress was the flat-topped officer’s cap with a small brim in front, since he normally didn’t wear a hat of any sort.

All together, he cut an impressive figure, and Finlee couldn’t seem to stop staring. She drank in his appearance, brand new to her and quite appealing.

Quinn didn’t seem to notice her gawking at him, thankfully, and she shook herself out of it a moment later. She smiled politely at him and said, “You clean up well, Quinn. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a cap, though.”

He cleared his throat, “Army officers don’t wear caps with normal uniforms, my lady, only formal ones. Navy officers wear caps with their normal uniforms, though.” he stopped, and then before he could stop himself, blurted out, “You, um...you look very impressive, my lady.”

Finlee smiled her polite smile at him again and simply nodded. “Let’s be off. Our speeders should already be here, and the one we’re taking to the Thul estate has its own chauffeur droid. Vette, we’ll comm you once we’re done meeting with the duke.”

Vette nodded, her brief upset from earlier seemingly forgotten, much to Finlee’s relief. She had come to like the girl, despite her sometimes overwhelming amount of energy and her nonstop chatter, and had no wish to actually offend her. Quinn followed her towards the docking bay and out of the ship, and she felt his surprise through the force when he saw the transport she had requisitioned. Long, black and clearly expensive, it was certainly impressive, and utterly impractical for everyday use. It was perfect.

She climbed into the backseat and motioned for Quinn to get in after her, and she entered their destination as he settled in the seat across from her. As they began to move, she looked out the window at the scenery of the planet, curious as to what it held. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her Captain doing the same, and took the opportunity to discreetly study him without him realizing. He was handsome in a sophisticated sort of way, with a straight nose and high, fine cheekbones supported by a chiseled jawline he kept clean-shaven. Like her, he had a typically pale Kaasi complexion, but his years away from their shared homeworld had given his skin a tolerance to sunlight that hers lacked. As a result, the skin on his face and neck still held a slight tan from their recent time on Tatooine, while she had taken to wearing a full veil over her face to protect herself when the skin protectant she had worn proved to be ineffective against the desert’s twin suns. It suited him, she thought, and brought out the color of his eyes.

Just as that thought absently passed through her head, her Captain turned his piercing blue gaze on her, clearly itching to ask a question. When he didn’t, she sighed, but resigned herself to that conversation later. She waved her hand, “You may speak, Captain. I can tell you want to.”

He blushed, but gamely went on and asked, “My lady, I wished to ask what you wished of me once we reach the Thul estate. I shall follow your lead, as always, but is there anything specific? I am not accustomed to noble etiquette, and I don’t wish to embarrass you.”

Finlee smiled just a bit, one corner of her mouth turning up. Her dear, conscientious Captain, always eager to please. She had sometimes wondered what a man as brilliant as him had been doing on a backwater like Balmorra, but she was glad she had opted to let Quinn tell her on his own terms.

“Yes, actually, Captain, there are…” she proceeded to give him a quick rundown on how to comport himself in the presence of the Alderaanian nobles. The attention would mostly be on her, thankfully, so as long as he kept silent the nobles would hopefully take no notice of him. In her experience, men in uniform tended to go unnoticed, and she would use that to their advantage if she could. All they had to do was make it through their meeting first.


	2. Gilding and Gliding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady Irtaya faces off against her first obstacle, Duke Kendoh Thul, as expected. But her second obstacle takes the unexpected form of...thrantas?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for very brief mentions of past sexual assault; nothing explicit, but it's still there.

Finally, they pulled up to the Thul estate. It was large and intimidating, as expected, with vaulting architecture and arched entryways. A pair of guards flanked the door, armed with what she assumed to be shockstaffs. Once their speeder stopped, Quinn opened the door and exited. He then turned to her, bowed, and handed her out before shutting the door behind them. She set her face in a slightly disdainful expression as she strode toward the door, Quinn following behind her and slightly to her left. The guards let her pass without comment, and she was met by a servant inside.

“Excuse me, my lady, but we are not expecting any visitors at the moment. I must ask you to please make an appointment and come back at another time,” droned the old man, clearly bored.

“I am the apprentice of Darth Baras, most vaunted dark lord of the Sith. I will see the duke now whether he likes it or not, so I suggest you take me to him before I lose my temper.”

Her sharp, authoritative tone startled the old servant, and he paled as he took a better look at her and saw her dress-and her lightsabers. He bowed quickly, and led them through a maze of hallways until they finally reached a room occupied by a holotransmitter and who she presumed was the duke, along with four other men who were clearly other Sith.

“Your Grace, this is…” the old servant turned to look at her in sudden confusion, not knowing how to announce her. She ignored him, announcing herself instead.

“Duke Kendoh. I am Lady Irtaya, heir to the noble House of Irtaya of Dromund Kaas, and honored first apprentice to Darth Baras, most vaunted dark lord of the Sith. You were instructed by my master to gather information for me, I have come to collect it.”

One of the other Sith in the room was clearly aware of who she was, or familiar with the name of her family, judging by the surprise in his signature.

The duke was clearly not appreciative of her intrusion, and bit out, “You’re not on my schedule, Sith, and I don’t appreciate being interrupted. I have my own goals to accomplish, and until Baras gives me a good reason why I should set them aside, they’ll remain my priority.”

Finlee narrowed her eyes. She sensed no insincerity coming from him, no fear, which ruled out this being a bluff. He was just that arrogant, and it would probably be faster to attempt to negotiate rather than intimidate. 

“If a reason is required, Your Grace, perhaps I can provide one. I have many resources at my disposal.”

The duke’s eyes wandered up and down her form, and red lust began to bleed into his signature in the force. The smile he turned on her was probably meant to be suggestive, and his voice turned oily as he said, “Well, Sith, that’s certainly better. Why don’t you and I go into the other room, and we can _negotiate _your reason in private.”__

____

A sudden hot flash of anger came from Quinn, hotter than Tatooine, in response to Kendoh’s crude proposition. All she felt was a faint flicker of disgust at the pit of her stomach, and she willed Quinn to stay calm and not respond.

____

“I think not, Duke Kendoh. I would not lower myself to bed a man like you, and I pity any woman who does. Now, I suggest you give me the information I came for, or I will take it by force.” She thanked every deity in existence that her voice came out strong and sharp, not shaky like it had the first time she had been propositioned nearly a decade earlier.

____

The duke’s dark skin turned an interesting shade of purple in his anger at her refusal, and she could see him working himself into a fit of offended pride. She wished she lacked decorum enough to roll her eyes at the sight of the spoiled manchild.

____

“You dare threaten me in my own home, Sith? I’ll have you know that these Sith here are assigned for my protection here, and they’ll soon make you a distant, unpleasant memory. FimmRess! Kill her and remove her from my house!” He ordered, pointing at the man nearest him.

____

She turned her steady gaze on the tall, stocky man called FimmRess, wondering what he would do, where his loyalties would fall. She didn’t want to fight him if she didn’t have to, not in her formalwear which restricted her movement so much.

____

“No, Duke Kendoh. We were assigned here for your protection and to further your interests, but our loyalties are first and foremost with the Emperor and the Empire. We will not go against Darth Baras or his apprentice. And even if we were of a mind to attack, we would not dare go against a member of House Irtaya.” FimmRess rasped out, before turning to face her.

____

“It is gratifying to know that some people know to be mindful of their betters, and know to show them the proper respect.” Finlee acknowledged, inclining her head in his direction.

____

FimmRess and the other Sith then knelt on the floor with heads bowed in obeisance, and FimmRess said, “My Lady, we will not raise a hand or weapon against you, and it would be our great honor if you would allow us to assist you in any way. You need only say the word, and we shall act on your behalf.”

____

Finlee looked up at the now pale and shaking Kendoh with one eyebrow raised. She could sense the smug satisfaction coming from Quinn, and smirked.

____

Kendoh was much more accommodating after being properly put in his place, and swiftly provided her with instructions to go question a Lady Renata. She breathed a sigh of relief as they exited the Thul estate, and gratefully accepted Quinn’s hand to get back into their transport. She leaned her head back against her seat and began to massage her temples, hoping to stave off her looming headache. She gradually became aware of the gentle concern coming from her Captain in her direction, and an unfamiliar warmth stirred in her gut.

____

She opened one eye to look at him. “Yes, Captain?”

____

He started, “Forgive me, my lady, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I was just wondering if you were feeling all right?”

____

That warmth stirred again, bigger this time. “I’ll be fine Quinn, don’t worry. I find these noble games tiresome, in spite of having been raised a noblewoman myself. These Alderaanians are a particularly stuffy bunch, so my Kaasi manners must be jarring to them.”

____

He smiled softly, and quietly agreed, “They are quite formal, my lady, even by Imperial standards. And they have very little in the way of self-preservation, if Duke Kendoh was any indication.”

____

Finlee almost laughed, and they lapsed into a companionable silence. Quinn tapped away at his datapad, most likely sending a message to Vette updating her, or perhaps finding the best route to get them to the estate of Lady Renata Alde. A sudden thought occurred to Finlee.

____

“Captain, I wonder if it wouldn’t be better for the two of us to go directly to the Alde estate, if possible. If she’s another noblewoman, she might react better to us in our formal clothes than if we were to show up in battle dress.”

____

Quinn considered her words, then nodded, “I think you’re correct, my lady. I’ll reroute us to the Alde estate and notify Vette.”

____

Finlee nodded her thanks, and turned to look out the window again. She watched the world go by as Quinn worked, giving him only a small nod of acknowledgement when he informed her that their trip would take several hours due to the distance between the estates and the relative slowness of their transport. She decided to take the opportunity to meditate, the encounter with the odious Kendoh having unsettled her.

____

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, reaching for the essence of the force around her. It responded to her call easier now than it did before, in the beginning. She didn’t descend too deeply into its depths this time, preferring to only do that in the safety of her own ship, however flimsy that safety might be. Her ship was her own, the first thing in her life that had ever really been her own.

____

A beep interrupted her a short time later, and she opened her eyes to see a notification light blinking on the console. Quinn leaned over and read the message, frowning slightly at whatever he read. “My lady, I’m afraid a complication has arisen with the plan to proceed immediately to Lady Alde’s estate. It is not accessible to us via this speeder, and since we will be approaching from enemy territory the only way to get there without raising alarm will be on thrantas.”

____

“What is a thranta?”

____

“Some sort of aerial beast native to the planet, my lady. Some of them have been domesticated and trained to carry passengers. The droid has notified the nearest stable and is taking us there, apparently.”

____

Finlee frowned. This was an unwelcome development, neither of them were dressed appropriately for such a method of travel, though Quinn would fare far better than she would. And she wasn’t fond of the prospect of a mode of transportation that could at any moment decide it no longer wished to be a mode of transportation. But unfortunately there seemed to be no other option, so she sighed and nodded. “Very well. I suppose we shall just have to make do.”

____

A short time later, they pulled up in front of the stable and were greeted by a middle-aged man she presumed was a groom. When the man took in her state of dress as Quinn handed her out of the speeder, his eyes widened and he bowed deeply. “My lady, it is an honor to serve one such as yourself. Please be assured that we shall see to your every request if possible, you need only ask,” he declared, his voice deep and steady.

____

Finlee inclined her head. “Thank you. I will make any needs known.”

____

The man bowed again before gesturing for her to follow him. He lead them into a small lounge with a desk and several low couches. “My lady, before you proceed on your way, I must ask you a few questions so that we may serve you best. Have you ever ridden a thranta before?”

____

Finlee shook her head. “Neither of us have, we’ve never even seen one.”

____

The man nodded, not looking up from the monitor he was studying. “I see. And the message we were sent indicated that you were traveling into Alde territory, which is quite a ways away,” he scrolled through something on the monitor for a moment. She shifted for a moment, impatient. The man made a face, then looked at her again, “My lady, I deeply apologize, but I’m afraid that at the moment we only have one thranta available that is capable of making the journey and is also suitable for inexperienced riders. Your guard is welcome to stay here and wait for you if you cannot delay, but it will be at least a day before a second suitable thranta becomes available.”

____

Finlee narrowed her eyes at the man, who was impassive. “My business is urgent, we cannot delay the journey. And I will not leave my Captain behind. What can you do?” She could feel Quinn’s slight pleasure at this indication of her esteem.

____

The man considered for a moment, before telling her, “My lady, since you cannot wait, the only option is for you to ride double with your man here. We have saddles that can accommodate this, and it will give the thranta no trouble.”

____

Finlee looked behind herself at Quinn for a moment, and jerked her head to signal him to join her in the corner. He leaned closer to hear her whisper, “Is this course of action agreeable to you? If you are not comfortable with it, I can proceed alone…”

____

Quinn’s eyes widened, but he immediately shook his head. “I have no objections, my lady. And as you said, we cannot afford any delay.”

____

She nodded and turned back to the groom. “We’ll ride double, then. Will the beast know where to go?”

____

The groom tapped at his monitor again and said, “Yes, milady, it will know where to go. All the animals here have been well trained. It will wait for you once you arrive at the Alde estate for your return journey.” He looked up at her then and bowed again. “Milady, please wait here while we prepare the thranta, it won’t be long.” he turned and left.

____

Finlee turned to Quinn and quirked a half-smile at him. “I suspect this isn’t how you imagined our day going, is it Captain? Adventures on thrantaback?”

____

The corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards. “No, my lady, I must confess I hadn’t anticipated needing to make use of thrantas. I’m not much enthused at the prospect, but needs must, I suppose.”

____

“This isn’t exactly my idea of _fun _either, I’m afraid. I’m not fond of animals, and in past experience the feeling has been entirely mutual, with some unpleasant consequences.” she rubbed her hand over her right forearm, where the remnants of that memory still lingered on her skin.__

______ _ _

Quinn furrowed his brow, “Is that the cause of that scar, my lady? An attack?”

______ _ _

She nodded, staring vacantly at a painting on the wall. “I was...sixteen, I think. I got too close to my cousin’s kath hound and it grabbed me. I had two surgeries to remove the scars, but they weren’t entirely successful, as you can see.” she continued to trace the faint scar, nearly invisible to anyone but herself and her Captain’s keen medic’s eyes.

______ _ _

He fiddled with his collar for a moment, looking awkward. “I didn’t mean to bring up unpleasant memories, my lady, I apologize.”

______ _ _

Finlee waved her hand. “No apology necessary, Captain, you couldn’t have known. And I have my fair share of unpleasant memories anyway, they’re bound to come up at some time or another,” she shook herself for a moment before pasting on a smile and asking him, “What about you, Captain? Do you have any embarrassing animal-related tales to tell?”

______ _ _

He flushed, and muttered, “Well, when I was a boy, my aunt’s wrat chased me out of the house and up a tree. I was up there for quite a while before anyone noticed what had happened. My relatives still like to bring that up to tease me with, I’m afraid.”

______ _ _

She covered her mouth with her gloved hand to hide her smile, smothering the giggle rising in her throat. She wasn’t entirely successful, which earned her a slightly offended look of censure from her Captain. It only lasted a moment before he laughed quietly as well, and Finlee nearly lost the battle with her composure. As she watched him collect himself, she mused for a moment on the connections she had forged with Quinn and Vette over the past year. She hadn’t expected it, nor had she known quite what to do when she realized it. But she had come to enjoy it, the camaraderie proving comfortable if strange at first, and she had come to consider them both friends. It was...nice.

______ _ _

The moment was unfortunately broken when the groom reentered the room and announced that their thranta was ready. They followed him out to a tall tower, and entered a lift after him. He pressed a button, and they began to ascend to the top of the tower, which rose above the surrounding trees. When they stopped, they exited onto a takeoff platform, to see a saddled thranta in a full-bodied sling on a wheeled support.

______ _ _

“What is this?” Quinn asked the groom, surprising Finlee that he had been the one to speak first.

______ _ _

The groom glanced at him and replied, “Thrantas have no legs, and in the wild they use their tails to grasp tree limbs when they need to rest. In order to mount them safely, they are put in the sling, and then wheeled to the edge of the platform and allowed to slide down for takeoff.”

______ _ _

Dread gnawed at Finlee’s stomach. She and Quinn looked at each other, and the understanding passed between them that they unfortunately had no choice. They drew closer, and were able to see the full structure of the saddle. The seats were deeply set, with high rolls of padded leather providing added security where they would place their legs. The rear saddle portion had two curved horns sticking out of the side, one pointed up and one down. The stirrups of the front saddle fell in front of the wings, while the rear had only one stirrup, set slightly behind the down facing horn.

______ _ _

“It’s fairly simple, at least in theory. Sir, you’ll mount as you would a bike, but for you milady, it’s a trifle more complicated. Your right thigh will rest in the cradle of the upper horn, while your left leg goes under the lower, and your left foot in the stirrup.” the groom explained.

______ _ _

The groom turned to them and gestured to Quinn, “Sir, you’ll mount first in front, and then I’ll assist you to mount, milady.”

______ _ _

Finlee froze at the prospect of this stranger’s hands on her, for a moment feeling once more the phantoms of other unwelcome hands on her thigh, her back, her chest… She shook her head emphatically. “I’ll mount on my own, I need no assistance.”

______ _ _

The groom frowned. “Milady, you’ll be riding sidesaddle, and you’ve never ridden before, you’ll not be able to mount without assistance. I’ll have to help you up.”

______ _ _

Quinn stepped forward, offered, “My lady, I can assist you to mount if it’s truly necessary. I’ll get on afterwards.”

______ _ _

Before she could thank him, the groom interjected sharply, “No! The rider in front mounts first, then the rider in the rear. My lady, like it or not I’ll need to help you, so please cease to waste time and accept it!”

______ _ _

The words _accept it _thrown in her face in that tone carried with them flashes of memories, a polished wood desk bare but for a single datapad facing her, a hand gripping her jaw hard, cold black eyes leering at her from a smirking face. Her Captain must have seen some indication of her distress, somehow, and he stepped in between her and the groom. She heard him bite out in a low voice, “You would dare presume to tell a Sith what she must do? Get down, I’ll help her to mount, and in the future remember how to speak with the proper respect!”__

________ _ _ _ _

The groom, faced with the prospect of dealing with her angry Captain, wisely backed off and got down from the mounting block. She gave Quinn a shaky half-smile, then turned to study the saddle for a moment. He drew up close beside her, and she took comfort in his steady presence. 

________ _ _ _ _

“Well, Quinn, how do you think I’m supposed to mount this thing? I’m afraid he’s right, I’m never going to be able to get my leg into that horn, not in this dress,” she whispered, not wanting the groom to hear her admit defeat.

________ _ _ _ _

Quinn considered the issue for a moment, his eyes travelling back and forth from her to the saddle several times. He then turned to her and blushed slightly, whispered back, “My lady, I think the only solution in this case is for me to lift you on. It simply won’t accommodate any other way.”

________ _ _ _ _

Finlee nodded slowly. The prospect of Quinn’s hands on her didn’t bring the same flashbacks and fear that the groom had; he’d touched her before, when he’d treated her various injuries, had even tackled her to the ground on Tatooine to avoid a missile, shielding her form with his. But this...him physically lifting her off the ground, and then being pressed so close for the duration of the trip...she felt a touch of trepidation. Not that he’d take liberties; no, her Captain had proven himself to be a perfect gentleman, both with herself and with Vette, over the year they’d worked together. Her trepidation came from the fact that this would be the longest time they’d ever spent touching each other.

________ _ _ _ _

She gestured for Quinn to begin, and he stepped closer, bent, and then his hands were on her. He wrapped one arm around her waist, the other slipping under her thighs. When he lifted, she gripped his shoulder for balance, her other hand reaching for the saddle. It only lasted a moment before he settled her on the beast, and he swiftly mounted himself, careful not to kick her by accident. She wrapped her arms loosely around his waist, and murmured a soft confirmation to his question of readiness.

________ _ _ _ _

The groom and two others rolled their mount toward the edge of the platform, and slowly ratcheted the back of the sling upwards so that the thranta could slip down into the open air. When she felt them begin to slide, Finlee shakily inhaled and slightly tightened her grip on Quinn. Then suddenly they were dropping, falling, the air was whistling past her ears and her stomach was in her throat and…

________ _ _ _ _

“My lady? My lady, are you all right?” She heard Quinn calling to her, his signature now bleeding concern aimed at her.

________ _ _ _ _

She realized that they were no longer falling; she could feel the gentle up and down motions of the thranta’s leathery wings, and her stomach had resumed its normal position. More than that, she realized that her grip on Quinn’s waist had grown to the point it was probably uncomfortable for the man, and she had buried her face in the back of his shoulder, eyes closed.

________ _ _ _ _

Mortified, and glad he couldn’t see her face, she opened her eyes slowly, blinking hard against the cold air rushing past. She looked down, and immediately regretted it, slamming her eyes shut again at the sight of the ground so far below her. Inhaling slowly, she opened her eyes again, careful not to look down, and removed her face from Quinn’s shoulder. Her grip on his waist remained ironclad, not feeling secure enough to loosen it.

________ _ _ _ _

“Are you all right, my lady?”

________ _ _ _ _

She leaned forward as much as she could, so that the wind could not carry away her voice. “As much as I can be, I suppose. What about you, Quinn?”

________ _ _ _ _

She could feel his back vibrate when he spoke, “I’m fine, I think, my lady. If my calculations are correct, the trip to the Alde estate will take approximately an hour if the weather holds fair.”

________ _ _ _ _

Finlee tried to laugh, but it came out somewhat choked, “And when have your calculations ever been wrong, Captain?”

________ _ _ _ _

Pleasure and amusement bled into his signature, and she felt him chuckle against her. “Touche, my lady. I’ll alert you when we’ll have to begin our descent.”

________ _ _ _ _

She nodded, then shivered before pressing close to him again. Her thin silk shawl was no match for the cold thinness of the high altitude air, but the heat of the thranta through the saddle and the warmth of her Captain against her were enough to keep her mostly comfortable.

________ _ _ _ _

She still wasn’t thrilled about being so far up in the air mostly unsecured on a beast with a mind of its own, but there was a certain peace to it that she savored, knowing that feeling would be too fleeting by far.

________ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deep breaths, Fin, you'll be fine. You've got your gallant Captain to help, after all!
> 
> Poor Finlee, I really do put her through a lot. She's got a lot of issues. Could really use a hug.
> 
> The next chapter will probably be the most angst and backstory heavy of this fic, since there are a lot of parallels between Finlee's past and Renata's situation with Kendoh. It's not gonna be pretty, folks.
> 
> I do have a happier fic for the PL&UT series written, it'll be posted once this fic is finished.


	3. The Ugly Truth, part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady Irtaya goes to question Lady Renata, but is met with the woman's desperate pleas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I lied, there's actually going to be four chapters and it's the next one that's going to be the angsty one. In order for it to really make sense I had to do a pretty big timeskip and I hate doing those in the middle of a chapter, so this one's pretty short.

The landing was not quite as nerve-wracking as the takeoff, but only just. Thankfully their beast seemed to know what to do, and began a slow, circling descent towards another high tower much like the one they had launched from. Below them, Finlee could see another set of grooms preparing a sling, and she assumed it was for them to land on. Their thranta slowed more and more as they got closer, until it was finally going so slow she wondered that they didn’t fall out of the sky. It dropped into the sling with a surprisingly gentle impact, and she breathed a secret sigh of relief.

The grooms pushed another large mounting block up to the side of the thranta, and one made to help her down. Thankfully, this one backed off when she shook her head, and Quinn swiftly dismounted and turned to assist her. Dismounting was somewhat more awkward than mounting, but the wood of the horns was worn smooth, and didn’t catch the fabric of her dress when she pulled her leg from the top one. Quinn reached up for her, and she braced herself on his shoulder before leaning into his frame and allowing him to take her weight for the briefest moment. They were rather less graceful than she would have preferred, and she ended up moving a bit too fast and falling against him suddenly. He took a step back to brace himself, but quickly recovered and set her down. 

“I apologize, Captain. Are you all right?” she whispered, and he nodded in response. “Good, then let’s be off, this is Republic-aligned territory and I don’t want to spend any more time here than strictly necessary.” 

They were escorted off the tower and pointed toward the estate, which was surprisingly only a few hundred meters away. This was clearly the private stable of House Alde, and not a livery like the one they had come from. The guards let them pass without comment, and a manservant took them to the room where Lady Renata was sitting, a hulking man in armor looming just behind her. 

Finlee stepped forward and dipped into a shallow curtsy, the movement smooth and natural despite not having performed it in nearly six years. “Lady Renata Alde, I presume? I-”

Lady Renata interrupted her before she could get any further than that. “For the last time, my answer is no. Tell Kendoh to stop bothering me, or I’ll be forced to take more drastic measures.”

Finlee stood straight again, confused. “Lady Alde, I’m here for information-”

“Lady, let me kill this sith like last one Duke Kendoh sent.” the hulking man spoke, his voice dull. Finlee couldn’t tell whether his simple, choppy manner of speech was the result of not speaking Basic well or just stupidity, and she didn’t have time to ruminate on the implications of either scenario.

Lady Renata stood and waved her hand at the giant, and said in a bored tone, “Windredd, you don’t need my permission to kill an intruder that comes through my door. Make it fast, and don’t stain the rugs. They’re new.”

The man nodded before pulling out a long vibrosword and rushing straight for Finlee, the weapon held high above his head. She sidestepped his downward swing, and his momentum caused him to fall flat on his face. Quinn shot him before the man could get up, and Finlee turned to look back at Lady Renata, who had gone pale.

“Windredd! You killed him!” she gasped, and there seemed to be genuine distress in her voice.

“He did attack first, Lady Alde. If you hadn’t sicced him on us like an akk dog, he’d still be alive and your rug wouldn’t have been damaged.” Finlee responded, tone dry.

“Please, Sith, have mercy, don’t take me to Kendoh! Don’t make me endure that-that pig!” the lady pled.

Finlee crossed her arms over her chest, leaning her weight on one leg. “As I was trying to tell you before your guard attacked us, I’m here for information on your former handmaiden, Jaesa Willsaam. I’m not here to bring you to Duke Kendoh.”

“You-you’re not? Truly?” Finlee nodded. “I see. I’m sorry, Sith, it’s just-I’ve been fending off his marriage proposals for some time, and last time he sent one of his sith guards with his message, and I just thought you were one of them, I’m sorry…” The lady rambled on for a moment.

Disgust curled in Finlee’s gut at Kendoh’s actions, and it was only a lifetime of masking her emotions that allowed her to keep a straight face at the thought. “Will you just tell me about the girl, and where her family is now? I have business with them.”

Lady Renata stopped short, and shook herself out of her rambling. “Oh, yes, well...I’m afraid Duke Kendoh lied to you, the girl never served me. She was the handmaiden of Gesselle Organa, of House Organa. They were inseparable, went everywhere together until she left with the Jedi. As far as I know, her parents still serve the Organas. That’s all I know about the girl.”

“Then I need to speak to Lady Organa. Where is she?”

“She used to be an aristocrat, like myself, but when the fighting began between Houses Organa, Ulgo and Thul, she became a general in the Organa army. She serves on the front lines, I don’t know where.”

Finlee considered Lady Renata for a moment. Her force signature reeked of fear, but there was a clear tinge of relief around the edges. Was she truly that afraid of Kendoh?

“That is all I needed. Thank you, Lady Alde.” Finlee curtsied again, and turned to leave, Quinn close behind.

“Sith?” She turned back. “Thank you, truly. For not bringing me to Duke Kendoh. I know you don’t care about my situation, but you’ve saved me from a fate worse than death, at least for now.”

Finlee nodded slowly, and then left without a word. She was silent the whole way back to the top of the tower, and she felt Quinn’s concern for her again. This time, it didn’t bring warmth to her stomach; it was already wrapped up in roiling nausea at the thought of Lady Renata’s situation, and what was almost her own. Fending off advances of a powerful, disgusting man over twice her age, unsuccessfully, with no help from others who thought that she was crazy for rejecting such a fine match. The growing desperation to escape coupled with gnawing dread at the prospect of being all alone without any of her resources to rely on.

Quinn helped her to mount the thranta again, and she held tight to him as they launched and flew through the air. She was thankful he didn’t try to make conversation; she wanted to be alone with her thoughts, try and deal with the snippets of memories alone. At least he couldn’t see her face.

By the time they landed back in Imperial territory, it was late evening and the sun was setting. Finlee stopped for a moment on the top of the landing tower to watch the colors over the mountains, painting the sky a magnificent array of reds and oranges. She saw Quinn do the same, and snuck a discreet look at him. The fading light caught on his cords and the gold on the brim of his cap, and they stood out against the deep black of his jacket. The slight golden tinge to the light warmed the colors of the trees behind him, framing his form in a flattering manner. 

After a moment, they stepped back into the lift and descended to the bottom where the long black speeder was still waiting to transport them to their next destination. She was acutely aware of Quinn’s presence next to her, standing neatly between herself and the groom from before. She rather suspected it was a deliberate gesture on his part, as an attempt to protect her from further distress. The warmth curled again inside her, displacing some of the nausea, and for once she was glad that her pale skin did not blush with her emotions.

He handed her into the speeder once again, and then asked, “My lady, do you wish to return to the ship for the night, or go straight to the Thul estate?”

Finlee shook her head tiredly. “What do you think would be best, Captain?”

He looked at her for a minute, before saying gently, “My lady, I think we should return to the ship. With all due respect, you look exhausted, and pushing through it isn’t going to help you. You need to rest.”

She huffed out a breath of a laugh, before teasing, “Is that an order, Captain Quinn? How bold of you.”

He blushed, but gamely continued on, “My lady, as both your medic and your first officer, it is my duty to assist you in any way I am able. I take that seriously.”

The warmth escaped her stomach and made its way into her chest at the earnest, determined expression on his face. She smiled her typical half-smile at him, and leaned forward to lay a hand on his forearm. “I know you do, Quinn, and I appreciate it, I truly do. Sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She felt sudden surprise appear in his force signature alongside embarrassment and pleasure. He laid his other hand over hers and whispered, “I’ll direct the droid to take us to the ship; in the meantime, my lady, you should rest. I’ll alert you when we arrive at the spaceport.”

She nodded, knowing this was not an argument she was going to win, and giving up the fight before it could begin. Besides, he was correct, she was exhausted. She squeezed his forearm lightly before drawing her hand back from under his and leaning against the seat, closing her eyes. She still snuck a peek from under her lashes, watching him as he tapped away at the datapad he always seemed to carry. His economy of movement fascinated her; not a single gesture was wasted, and she found it calming. Once he ceased his work, she closed her eyes fully, and began to drift away. Had she been with almost anyone else, she’d never have dared close her eyes and expose herself thus, but she _knew _deep in her bones she could trust Quinn, and she savored the feeling.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Finlee. At least she has Quinn!
> 
> (She's also catching feels, although she doesn't know it yet;) )


	4. The Ugly Truth, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to a head with Renata and Kendoh, and Finlee finds a confidante in Captain Quinn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo boy, here we go. This isn't pretty folks, heads up for mentions of blood, violence, and past attempted assault. Nothing graphic, but it's still there.
> 
> We skipped pretty far ahead since the last chapter, this is their second-to-last day on Alderaan, about three weeks after chapters 1-3.
> 
> Angst ahoy!

She stormed down the landing ramp of her ship, both lightsabers blazing, her face like the thunder of her stormy homeworld. Quinn and Vette had to jog to keep up, and she ignored Vette’s gasping questions. The Alde guards tried to block her way, but she just bowled them over with the force and kept running for the manor house. 

She followed the trail of carnage inside down a long hallway until she could hear the sounds of begging and tears. She turned into a large room and stopped dead at the sight that met her eyes. Lady Renata cowered against a low couch, one hand held in front of her face. FimmRess and Kendoh’s other guards surrounded her in a semicircle, weapons drawn. Tears streamed down Lady Renata’s face, as she pleaded with FimmRess not to take her to Kendoh.

This would not stand. “FimmRess!” Finlee yelled, her voice coming out deep and sharp. The other sith turned to look at her in surprise, and he might have paled if he had been able to.

“Lady Irtaya! We weren’t expecting you, what are you doing here?” FimmRess rasped out, stepping toward her before dropping to one knee in obeisance. 

“Leave Lady Alde be. You’ll not take her to the duke, not today, not ever. Is that clear?”

FimmRess nodded. “Yes, my lady, perfectly clear.” he turned his face up to look at her. “What should I tell the duke? He’ll be furious if we return without his prize.”

Her fury spiked higher than she knew it could go. “She is not _his prize, _and she never will be. And you won’t tell him anything; I’ve been granted permission by my master to end him. Now leave.”__

__FimmRess nodded, and the rest of his group followed him out. Once they had left, Finlee deactivated and clipped her lightsabers, and turned to the woman on the floor. She was staring at Finlee, eyes enormous, tear tracks still wet on her face. Finlee knelt in front of her, scanning her form for any signs of mistreatment. “Are you hurt?” she murmured in a low voice._ _

__Renata shook her head, and a wave of relief washed over her. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get here in time to prevent this entirely, but you have my word, Lady Alde, that Kendoh will never trouble you again. You won’t need to live in fear of him any longer.”_ _

__Renata nodded, and opened her mouth to speak. She had to clear her throat several times before she could get any words out, and then all she could say was “Thank you, Sith. You saved me.” She looked down at the floor, then back up at Finlee’s face._ _

__Finlee nodded in silent understanding, and stood up. She motioned for Quinn and Vette to follow her, and didn’t turn back. Once they were back on the ship and Quinn was piloting them back toward the Thul-aligned territory, Vette began to pester her with questions. Chief among them was why she had gotten so worked up over this._ _

__She couldn’t answer, couldn’t say. She knew her reaction was out of proportion, but she didn’t have the emotional strength at the moment to explain herself to Vette. All she could do for a long while was stare at the grey wall of the galley as the young twi’lek’s chatter faded into background noise._ _She eventually excused herself and retreated to her room, locking the door behind her before sinking to the floor and shaking. After a few moments the nausea rose in her stomach again, and she scrambled for the refresher, retching into the bowl. When she was done, she flushed it down and rinsed her mouth. Her reflection in the mirror was awful; dark bruises hung under her eyes, and her complexion, already pale, was sickly. Her eyes were haunted and dull, filled with pain she had no way of dealing with._ _

__Turning away from her reflection, she dropped fully clothed onto her bed and fell into a mercifully dreamless sleep. When she woke, it was evening, long past the usual hour she ate dinner, not that she’d have been able to stomach anything that night if she’d tried. Deciding a shower was the next course of action, she stripped bare and entered the stall, turning the heat as high as she could tolerate. Steam filled the room as she scrubbed at her skin, wishing she could wash away her memories along with her sweat._ _

__When she exited, she was at least clean, and felt marginally better. She put her long hair in the braid she preferred to sleep in, and dressed in her night clothes, a pair of long grey pants and a white undershirt. She didn’t want to stay in her room, and she wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway, not after the nap she’d had. She slipped out of her room and padded barefoot onto the bridge, which was empty._ _

__She curled up on the copilot’s seat, her usual spot. With the day done, the overhead lights were off, and the softer lights of the swirling galaxy map were able to project onto the walls and dance around the room. She had spent many sleepless nights sitting in her seat and watching them, finding the sight soothing. On occasion she had even fallen asleep there, and the one time she hadn’t been able to sneak back to her room before Quinn found her he thankfully hadn’t commented._ _

__She watched the lights dance for a while, losing track of the passing time. She allowed the heightened emotions of the day to drain away as much as she could, until they were manageable, although not gone._ _

__She felt Quinn approach before she heard him, and tilted her head towards where he was standing in the doorway to signal that she was aware of his presence._ _

__“My lady? Are you feeling all right?'' His voice was soft, gentle._ _

__She sighed, not wanting to worry him, but also knowing that he’d see right through her if she lied. “No, I’m not, Quinn. I haven’t been in a long time, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be.”_ _

__He took a tentative step towards her, “Is there...anything I can do?”_ _

__Her smile was brittle. “You’re very thoughtful, Quinn, but this isn’t something covered in field medic training.”_ _

He nodded, but she could tell he wasn’t satisfied. A long moment passed where neither of them said anything. She stared at the wall, not wanting him to see the pain in her eyes, and not willing to look at his face because she _knew _he’d have that ‘I want to help’ expression on his face and she couldn’t handle that right now.__

__“I’ll just...go, then, I suppose, my lady.”_ _

Her guts twisted into a heavy leaden knot, and desperation clawed at her throat. Her mind screamed _don’t go don’t go don’t go _after him, howling at the prospect of spending yet another night battling alone against her memories. Of facing the terror that was her childhood and early adulthood without...without…__

“Quinn, wait,” she rasped out, barely of her own volition. He turned to face her again, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Please...stay. I don’t...I don’t want to be alone. Please?”

Quinn stood stock-still in the doorway for a moment. She could feel the conflict within him suddenly disappear, and he murmured, “Of course, my lady, if you wish it.”

He stepped past her and sat in the pilot’s seat, his spot. She knew he was watching her from the corner of his eye, could feel his concern for her, so strong now she could swear it hung over her shoulders like a blanket.

It was the strength of his emotions that brought everything to a head. They curled around her for several long moments, as they sat in silence together on the bridge. She stared blankly at the wall, memories swirling around and around in her head, pain, fear, desperation, anger with them. At the academy, she’d been told to use her memories to fuel herself, to feed the dark side, but she just wanted them _gone, _couldn’t handle reliving the horrors she’d been through just to please her overseers. She’d kept them bottled and buried for years, trying to forget, and until they’d come to Alderaan, she’d almost succeeded. But this world of pomp and corruption, so different and yet just the same as the noble circles of Dromund Kaas, had brought everything rushing back.__

Finlee buried her face in her arms crossed over her knees. Quinn’s aura of concern spiked into worry, and she grabbed hold of it like a lifeline. She drew in deep, ragged breaths, leaning into Quinn’s steady, quiet presence, ever steadfast. Sometime later when she wasn’t so wound up she’d be mortified that she had so lost her composure in front of him, when she was supposed to be in charge, but in the moment all she could do was _breathe. ___

Once she regained control of her breathing, she pulled her face out from where it was hidden, and tipped her head back against her chair, eyes closed. She could feel his eyes on her, never wavering.

_Worry. Care. Let me help._

“Seeing Lady Alde begging not to be taken to Duke Kendoh, and having to listen to the way he spoke of her, like he had a _right _to her...it brought back memories. I reacted so strongly to her situation...because it almost happened to me.”__

__Quinn stiffened, and she squeezed her eyes shut even harder. If she looked at him now she’d never be able to continue._ _

“Once I came of age, my lord father became determined to find an advantageous match for me. The one he finally settled on was a man named Lord Vladin. High ranking, prestigious connections in society, richer than sin...and almost three times my age. Nearly sixty. He was cruel, and cold, and even before my lord father sold me off to him he liked to undress me with his eyes whenever we were in the same room together. It only got worse once the betrothal contract was signed.”

She felt Quinn’s rising anger, and basked in its warmth. She felt him shove it down until he was calm enough to ask, “Did he..?”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but she knew what he was trying to ask. “He liked to grab me, touch me. I wasn’t strong enough to get away from him.”

She inhaled another ragged breath and continued, “This kept up for nearly a year, until the night of the prenuptial ball. He dragged me into a small room, said he’d had enough and he wasn’t going to wait any longer. He started-he was going to-” 

She couldn’t keep going. The lump in her throat choked her, she couldn’t talk around it, and everything she tried to say just came out as sobs. Tears welled up and ran down her face, and for the first time since she was seventeen, she wept.

Quinn stood and cautiously stepped towards her, before gently laying a hand on her shoulder, keeping his touch light in case it proved unwelcome. _Concern. Care. Pain. _She felt them radiating off him to her in waves, and while they couldn’t take away the pain caused by the knife-sharp slivers of memories, they dulled the edges just enough for now. She reached up, grasped his hand on her shoulder, and squeezed.__

__They remained like that for a while. She never let go of his hand, and he didn’t pull away, didn’t speak. Just gave her silence to compose herself._ _

Once the tears stopped falling and the lump in her throat dissolved, she whispered, “I was more terrified in that moment than I had ever been in my life. I don’t remember much of it...one moment I was struggling against the desk, trying to escape, and the next I was in stun cuffs being shoved in the back of a police speeder with blood all over me.”

_Confusion. _“You were arrested, my lady?”__

“I killed him. My ability to use the force chose that moment to make itself known, and I killed him. I still don’t know exactly what I did.”

Quinn nodded slowly. “You weren’t known to be force-sensitive, so you were going to be tried for murder.”

“Exactly. When I walked into that courtroom the day of my trial, I thought I was going to be executed. Instead, I was sent to the academy. And, well, you know the rest of the story from there. The important bits, anyway.” she tried to joke, but it rang hollow.

“So when Lady Alde told us what Kendoh was doing, you were reminded of your experience with Lord Vladin.”

She nodded. “What I went through...I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And I could not, in good conscience, allow that to happen to her. I’m just glad FimmRess listened.”

They lapsed into silence again after that, watching the false stars glide over the controls and walls. Finlee leaned her head back against her seat, utterly drained from the day’s rollercoaster of emotions. At the same time, she felt...lighter. Her burden wasn’t gone, but she could carry its weight without it crushing her.

Exhaustion was fast setting in, though, and she needed to let Quinn sleep as well, since he hadn’t dropped for a three-hour nap earlier as she had. She stood slowly, then finally made eye contact with Quinn. She smiled, and whispered, “Thank you, Quinn, for staying.” She squeezed his hand again just for a moment before dropping it and bidding him good night.

He called after her just as she stepped through the door to the bridge, and she turned back to look at him. “I understand, my lady. And for what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing.”

She smiled sadly at him again, “It’s worth quite a lot, Quinn.”

When she entered her room for the final time that night, she settled into her bed and closed her eyes, confident that tonight she’d be allowed to rest without reliving the torment of her past yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to get this woman a therapist...


End file.
